February

This blog started out to be about my pregnancy. But in order to get there, I had to start with the day I first took the test. A test that I never got to take but one that confirmed my 15 year old was pregnant. Things aren't as bad as they were back then. I've seen her once in the last 5 months and that was when she ran away from her dads and stopped by briefly for some prenatal vitamins. She didn't want our neighbors to see her and call her sister. So by now, it's February. I am now 63 days away from the birth of my son. So much has happened. I was very sick with him. Constantly feeling like I was going to throw up, constantly suffering from back pain. Seeing the doctor every two weeks because of my age and past history of pregnancies. I did a test and it came back positive for Down's Syndrome. So I was supposed to do the amnio to find out for sure. I'm the type that it won't matter. The child I'm carrying is mine and I will love him/her no matter what. And when I did the extensive ultrasound, there was nothing there that would make the doctor think there was a problem. I did my 1 hour glucose test and it came back elevated. So I had to do the 3 hour test which was a nightmare. I had to drink this supersweet liquid and have my blood drawn 4 times during the 3 hours. I couldn't eat or drink anything from midnight the night before but I hadn't eaten since 8pm. , and I didn't start the test until 10:30am. So by the time it was done, I was about to pass out. But it turned out ok. I don't have gestational diabetes. My daughter is due in March and I am due in April. But to see me, you'd think I was overdue. I am huge. I have a hard time shaving my legs, bending down to pick stuff up. You'd think my husband would be more supportive considering all I'm enduring for his act of stupidity. People asked us if we were trying to get pregnant. He answers "yes", I say "I wasn't, I just laid there". I'm smart enough to know that my age isn't good to have kids. But he's selfish and doesn't think about all that I have to go through. I'm still expected to clean house, cook all the meals and tend to the two kids. My 8 year old got kicked out of school so I'm home studying her and she just doesn't want to work. I got through so much stress each day that I'm surprised it hasn't effected this baby more. But he's very active and I'm excited for the day we will meet. I will also be very sad. I love the feeling of him moving in my tummy and feeling and seeing it. My kids are very excited about their new brother. I know I complain a lot, but I was hoping that I would have been spoiled this last time. No such luck.

August

Ok, when I last left off, my daughter had gotten pregnant and moved to her dads. To add injury to insult, the sheriff showed up again at my house and asked for my husband. He was at work. He worked far away from home and slept in his car during the week to save on gas. I asked the sheriff what it was about and he said he was trying to serve him with TRO from my daughter. That is Temporary Restraining Orders. She was alleging that she was being physically beat and that she was in fear of her life. This started a path that will probably never be able to be erased. We had to hire a lawyer and then I was responsible for finding proof of her rebellion and her lies about being abused. I live in a small town and people talk. So now everyone thinks that we abuse our kids. There was one incident in which she refused to go outside and do yardwork with the family and my husband pulled her out of the house by the back of her pants, while I was trying to pull her back in. I didn't know what she would do to him next. She has been known to strike him several times in the face. This is not something I taught her. But the neighbors called the cops, saying that he was punching her in the chest and choking her. When the cops got here, they (when I say they, there was about 6 cars and 2 people per car) talked to all of us, got all our stories and they were all the same. He didn't strike her. But it didn't matter, the town was now gossiping. And the neighbors, they were calling us names like n****r, and saying that I was a piece of s&&t and sticking up for my husband and not my own daughter. It was really hard, really hard. We hired a lawyer and took it to court. I saw my daughter as soon as I walked in the building where the courthouse was. I went to her and gave her a hug. I wanted to talk privately to her but her half sister wouldn't let her. Now I still have full custody of her and this little bitch pissed me off. She had no right telling me I couldn't talk to my daughter. I pulled a sheriff to where we were standing and explained that I wanted to talk to my daughter and her sister wasn't letting me and I had custody of her. He asked if I had the paperwork and I said my husband did and he said to go get it. I went to the court side of the building and by then, the lawyer was there and told me not to go back. Her side didn't have any witnesses and we had witness statements, pages of her diary saying how she liked cutting and blood. Statements from her friends who said she never said she was afraid of my husband but wanted more freedome. We had all the proof we needed, but we still weren't sure how it would turn out. Her sister ended up calling our neighbor (they were best friends), and another friend of OURS. All he could say was that we made her do chores. And the neighbors said they never saw anyone hit her. Then it came time for to testify and she said she wasn't afraid of him, he never hit her but she wanted to live with her dad. I got up and my ex tried to say I had called him over Christmas to say I was afraid for my life. He is just such a creepy person who will say WHATEVER, to win someone to his side. He would have been the last person I would have called if I was afraid. They ended up losing the TRO but I agreed that she could live with him. If I took her back, she'd just run away and they fights in the house surrounding her, due to her, involving her and because of her was just tearing the rest of the family apart. She obviously thought the grass was greener on the other side. They agreed to visitation when I wanted but she asked that my husband not be present during the visitation. And I stated that I didn't want her sister or dad anywhere near us during my visits with her. By the way, by this time, I was pregnant. She wasn't very happy when we walked out, stating that she hated our lawyer because she lied, he lied and I lied. But you know, whatever. I had so much to back up what I was saying and I just thank God that I didn't have to present it for others to see. It would have been embarrassing for her. I thought she was better than the other kids in our town. I thought she could be trusted. Boy was I wrong.

July

Since this is the start, I should start at the beginning. I know I'm a bit old to have more children. But even so, in July of 2009, I thought I was pregnant. So..... my husband and I went to the store and bought a kit. My 15 year old daughter had been acting up a lot lately, normal teenage stuff. I didn't want her to know about the test because she was adamant about me not having more kids. She was afraid she'd have to change diapers and whatnot. And she would....lol. Anyway, my husband pulled the kit out of the cart and told her it was for her. He thought it was funny, she didn't. They had been having problems for the past couple of years, she resented the fact that we didn't allow her to run free and she just wanted to be a teenager. I'll never forget the date because it was my dad's birthday. He had passed away a couple of years earlier and I thought how cool it would be to find out I was pregnant on his birthday. We get home and I go to the bathroom to do the test. And SURPRISE.... I had just started my period. Then I started to freak out a bit because I started the day my daughter stopped and she hadn't started yet. So that I don't have to relive that very painful moment in my life, long story short, I found out she had skipped summer school a couple of days and lost her virginity. She was pregnant. So on the day that should have been exciting for me because on my dad's birthday, I would find out I was pregnant, was anything but. I found out she was. This was the start of my downhill spiral into more pain and stress than I ever could have imagined. Later in the month, her biological dad and sister would show up at my house, with the sheriff and take her away to live with them. And she went willingly. After 15 years of me taking care of her, wiping her nose and butt, being there for everything, she left with him.